Officially, I give up. A few more days to the real thing now but I don't think the Gold award is attainable. I've been listening to the band's recording for almost a hundred time and I can't find any 'wow' factor in it. There are a lot of mistakes in the 2 songs but till now I'm still not sure why is everyone feeling happy and satisfied. The purpose of the recording is to see how much the band has been progressing and to build up from that momentum. From the looks of it, everyone is thinking that it is good enough and therefore being complacent. Well, I cannot afford to point the finger to anyone because we are very very tired of practising every single day. Even the conductors are like giving up because everything is in our hands now. The only thing I can do is Hope. I've already surrender but I swear that I won't be pulling anyone down and will do my best.
People had been complaining about my way of leading of being too harsh. I can't deny that and I did change myself for the past 2 or 3 practices and put on a wide smile instead of shouting. However, come to think of it, did they ever wonder what the band is like now if there is no one to really push and move the band around? Will the band be whatever they are now with so much improvements in a short period of time? I don't really need credits for doing all this but I just want everyone to know what is the purpose of me doing all this. And guess what..because I love and care about MI Symphonic Band. I am willing to sacrifice my life and body by not being the real me and putting an 'evil mask' in order to push all of you towards fully utilising the times left. Sadly, only some of the seniors know (especially the people who were in the band from the 1st day it was formed) and I really appreciate it. To those out there who are not happy with me or the committee, it is alright. You guys will know one day how it feels when it is your turn.
My life is different now. My passion and interest for music is suddenly gone. I'm seriously thinking of quitting band because I don't have anything left there after SYF? Sadly, it feels like as though I don't have a purpose coming for practices anymore. Soon, my friends are going off by either stepping down or maybe leave the school. Hmmm. Let's just see how it goes for now.
